• Phil Airson

How to build a quiet confidence

When people think of confidence, they often think of someone who dominates a room, someone who shouts whatever they want and are totally comfortable with everybody hearing whatever gibberish they decide to spout. This however is not real confidence, real confidence is feeling comfortable with who you are and takes many forms, just being loud is not one of them, that's just being washing machine can do that. (Note: I have no idea on the confidence levels of my washing machine, its probably pretty good, it does a great job)

A quiet confidence is when you don't NEED to be the loudest thing in the room. You have no desire to prove yourself to anyone. You just get to walk around each day with a peaceful contentment that you are awesome and everything you need to be.

Know your core values

This is the key first step, knowing who you are and what it is that you stand for. By knowing your core values and living by them and building your life around them, you can know that the things you do are right and your focus is in the right place.

If you know these values then you know your life is on the right track, obviously we all falter form time to time, make bad decisions, say dumb things, but learning from these and re aligning yourself to your bad ass values will build your confidence foundations.

Listen.....then speak

So many people do not follow this principle, they assume that when they speak they are right, in the argument they are right, regardless of what they do or say they are right. (I imagine someone like this instantly popped in to your head, we all know them)

True confidence lies in the people who go in to a conversation willing to listen and learn and grow as a person. when you actively listen to someone and really hear what they want from you in that moment, you can avoid miscommunication and feel supreme confidence in it.

When you are next having a conversation with someone, try not to multi task (yes put your phone out of sight, nothing will happen during this time, messages can wait) and give them your full attention. Stop waiting for your turn to talk and composing your witty response while the other person is still talking and LISTEN to everything that they are saying. Try reflecting back to them key points of what they have said to show them you have paid attention. Ask some good questions and aim to end the chat with crystal clear intentions and understanding.

Lean in to your strengths.

You are littered with strengths...yes....yes you are. We should probably just accept that now, you offer things that others don't. If you want clarity on some of your strengths then I recommend using an online strength finder or quiz. If you search for VIA character strengths survey is a very popular option which is free! (you can pay a little and dive deeper and get an in depth report if needed) Another good pick is the personal strengths inventory, based on psychologist Martin Seligman’s pioneering research in positive psychology.

Okay so you have your strengths now, you are now ready to join the avengers or run a company or inspire the nation? well hold on just one second lets ask the following:

Am I utilising all of these strengths in full in my life at the moment?

What are the small steps I can take RIGHT NOW to start implementing these in my day to day personal life?

What are the small steps I can take RIGHT NOW to start implementing these in my day to day professional life?

Start using your strengths to your advantage, lean in to them, they are your unique shining light so shine! you are a magnificent STAR (Metaphors are my strength obviously)

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

This one can be tough, I get it, but a huge part of confidence and being comfortable with ourselves is not only using our strengths but acknowledging and accepting your vulnerabilities as well. Nobody is perfect, perfect to me is a bit of an oxymoron, my perfect sandwich is not YOUR perfect sandwich therefore it can not be THE perfect sandwich! Perfect is just an individual opinion on a sandwich. (I may be hungry)

If you are struggling with something that you know will help you move forward in life and reach your goals then asking for help should be the first stop for you.

This doesn't have to mean literally running to someone and asking for help, although if thats available then that's cool. There is huge value to be found in finding a new course or workshop to tackle your problem, finding a mentor or working with a coach (*cough cough* enquire on *cough cough*)

So there it is, a quiet confidence is someone who are comfortable with who they are, the good and bad. They seek out growth and improvement and that is more than OK. They are aware that someone who asks for help is displaying strength not weakness and that they do not have to do this alone. Getting the right support and guidance can be the delicious cherry on top your amazing confidence Sunday (still hungry) that you have created.

Working with me as a coach at can help elevate you to the next level and get you to walk through your life with your head held high.

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